Friday, April 23, 2010
Been a while.
Ok so it’s been a few weeks since my last blog! Where to begin? Starting
with my promise to Ashleigh about smoking, I haven’t been able to fully keep it
AGAIN but I haven’t stopped trying either! I have actually cut way back and can
go a lot longer without one now. So that’s good right? I will quit smoking very
soon I am determined not to fail this time. On a different note we are still
going to church and I have been getting more involved with it, volunteering allot
and I think I have a spot on the Security team! Yes our Church has Security. I
got baptized on Tuesday and it felt great! I am not good about getting in front
of peers, I am afraid I might say something stupid and get laughed at lol...
But it felt good to get up in front of Ashleigh, a couple of friends and a
bunch of people I didn’t know and tell it all. They had us write a Testimony on
our life before Christ, what brought us to the decision to accept Christ and
the changes after accepting him. So getting in front of everyone and telling
them my life before was "Closed off, full of hate rage and betrayal"
then telling them what brought me to accepting Christ "that I realized all
I was doing was hurting the people I loved the most". I almost lost it lol
started shaking and my voice started cracking lol, I had to end my speech
sooner then expected. Just looking into Ashleigh's eyes when I was giving my
Testimony I could almost hear her say "Thank you and I love you" so
again it felt GREAT. I still slip up from time to time but if it didn’t happen
I wouldn’t be human right?! We all make mistakes the important thing is to
realize you messed up, learn from it and don’t do it again. Also there are
times you might think you are doing something right and feel deeply that its
right but other parties involved may not see it the same way. When those times
come across the best thing to do is try to talk it out LIKE ADULTS. Listen to
what they have to say and what their interpetation of it was without interrupting
them. It might bring a new light to the subject! It’s worked for us lol that’s
the only reason I'm saying it.
I’m going to jump around again like I seem to do all the time when I blog,
maybe I should do this more often that way I’m not jumping around lol. There is
just so much stuff that goes on in our day to day its hard just to stop and
type for a little bit, I should at least start a journal that way when things
wind down I can transfer it to here lol. Any way enough rambling, my time on
hold is closely coming to an end :( I can’t say I’m not excited, but I also can’t
say I am excited either! I am excited for a couple of reasons, 1. When I go
back to "the streets" it will be our last year at Recruit Training
Command, and with a little luck we will end up back in San Diego
2. I’m ready to start pushing again! Its fun for the most part, just the
comedy some times pays for the other crap. and its a challenge, a challenge
that I need it gets crazy because I have up to 88 recruits with their problems
and I have to be the mentor, father, boss est. est. that is where the challenge
comes in we are transforming all these kids from what they were used to as a
Civilian and making them into what we as RDC's want them to be for the Navy.
And the reasons why I am not excited about it. 1. I’m flat out scared... I’m
not scared about pushing again that comes natural to a good leader, I’m scared
that history will repeat it’s self. If you have known Ash and myself for a
little while then you should know a little bit of what I did our first year
here. If not here is a brief run down, our first year while I was in school and
"On Push" I was too involved with my work and pushed my family to the
side and pretended everything was just great! I didn’t push them completely
aside but just enough to cause some harm. I wasn’t there for Ashleigh, even
when I was in the same room I wasn’t there. I was detached mentally, emotionally
and affectionately I just wasn’t being the loving husband and father they
deserved. Don’t take it the wrong way when she absolutely needed me I was there
MOST of the time but not all of the time. All of those actions on my part were
causing friction between us leading to fights, not intentionally but they
happened. Since us both know how it could happen we will not let it happen
again but it still scares me. I don’t want to hurt her any more.
2. All this wonderful time off I get to spend with my wonderful wife and
beautiful children will be cut DRASTICLY. I will be going back to my 18-20 hour
days 7 days a week for 8 weeks while I have recruits. Again since I know what
is going on and that we don’t all need to be there with the recruits all the
time, I WILL GET TIME WITH MY FAMILY!! Because at the end of the day the
recruits aren’t going to be there for my but Ashleigh will. So baby this is for
you, proof that I will work out a schedule with my partners and get time with
you. Granted not as much as I get now but I will be here for you. I love you
very much baby.
I will try and blog again tomorrow and let you all know about why I said
"with a little luck on getting back to San Diego
-Justin “Blessed, indeed, is the man who hears many gentle voices call him
daddy!”
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