Backsliding and Recognition

Well here I am 2:30 in the morning; my stomach is all tore up for some reason. I’ve made 4 trips to the bathroom in the last hour, and now I have resorted to using baby wipes to help comfort the process. But that’s not why I am writing today, or is it about the “Love Dare”. This one is all about me today.


Again I have been drifting away from my Faith in the lord, before I didn’t notice until it was too late. I realized it tonight when I went to bed and told Ashleigh that I don’t realize all the time how grateful I am that the Lord has made our paths come together (in different words) and how I take her for granted, That I don’t stop and think how wonderful of a person she is. After that was said was when I started thinking I have been “Backsliding” is what Christians consider it. It’s not a total loss of faith, just a little side step. Here is the actual definition.

Backsliding- When a person who is on the path of salvation “slides back” into their sins and turns away from God.

That’s when I prayed for forgiveness from veering away from him, asking him to help me become the Man he wants me to be, then going into thanking him for all the wonderful “Crazy” but wonderful things that went on today. Then I fell asleep for a little while until I was woke up by my stomach. Before I started to pray is when I realized that I was drifting away slightly; I noticed that I haven’t been praying as much as before, getting angry over nothing, quick to snap weather it be on the kids or snap back at Ash when I think that she is being crabby toward me. Like today (well yesterday) for example, I had this feeling that there just wasn’t something right between us today. And that is all it was “a feeling”, on our way back from volunteering at our Church for kids day. Both of the kids were completely BURNT OUT, we had been up since 6:45am out the door by 7:50 and to the Church by 8:10. The kids got to just let out as much energy as they could while Ash and I worked the event, I was on Security and Ash was stationed at the Balloon Tying. We took turns swapping off with the kids until our friends Todd and Tara Fort got there with their kiddos. Grace usually goes down for a nap around 9:00am or so sometimes we can push her till 1:00pm but not today! Both of them were done for, I was upstairs making rounds and Ashleigh was downstairs in the Church. I get a phone call from her saying that Grace was having a complete and utter fit for me so that is when we said it was time to get them home. On the way home Ash wanted to stop at the NEX to take care of a couple things. I said “why don’t we swing by and get something for them to eat, stop at the NEX and you run in while we stay in the car”? I must not have said it clear enough for her it sounded right to me but I have been known to say something that makes sense to me but not to others. I got a nod from her saying “ok that works” to my understanding, but when I was getting ready to turn and go get food is when it became apparent that she didn’t understand what I had suggested which irritated me because I thought she understood my “Masterful Plan”. We got food for the kids and I headed to the Exchange and dropped Ash of at the front door (Because we woke up to 2 inches of snow in the middle of March after it was all melted) and went to go park. As soon as her door shut Grace is in the back whining “Mommy, Mommy” over and over again getting louder and louder till finally I yelled “GRACE THAT’S ENOUGH” and she stopped. Did I really need to do that now that I think about it! Did I really need to get irritated with Ash because I didn’t deliver my message to her sufficiently enough? Did I really need to let all of that get to me for the next few hours until we headed to Chucky Cheese? And the answer to all of those is NO I did not it all could have been handled much better if I would have just continued to know that our Lord and Savior is with us all the time, I could have just asked for the Patience to handle the day. I didn’t ask for the help but I still received it, after we got home the kids went down for a nap and when they woke up we all headed to Chucky Cheese for almost 3 hours, getting a grip of tokens and tons of tickets! I even scored 53,000 points on Ski Bowl!! That was a first and it was awesome to say the least, sirens going off, lights flashing I felt pretty good about my self! The Ski Bowl Champ lol I had to run and tell Ashleigh about my exciting achievement!

Getting to the end I know at the beginning I said this was just for me, I'm going to change that to partly for me and finish it with this.

        Ashleigh, I don’t know how many times I need slaps in the face to tell me that you’re not always mad at or disgusted with me. I just want you to know that too often I take you for granted and what you do for not only the kids but for me as well. You are an amazing mother and astonishing wife. Even when the crap is at its thickest you are the one that is leading me out the other side smelling like Roses. I love you baby and I am sorry for being so crappy to you the past couple of days. “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” – 1 John 4:18

I love you Ashleigh



-Justin

“Blessed, indeed, is the man who hears many gentle voices call him daddy!”