Negotiating orders

Here is the story on needing a little luck to get back to California. A few days ago I got a wild hair and wanted to look and see what orders were out there for me again, I have been looking here and there just to see how many were for San Diego. For those of you who don’t know how the Navy works here is a long run down. Right now my rotation is 4 and 3 (4 years at Sea and 3 on shore) so as of now I am on a "Shore Command". I graduated RDC "C" School on May 23rd 2008 (the day after my birthday) and that is when my counter started for shore duty well June 2008 really. Last June was my year on board RTC (Recruit Training Command) and the month I went "On Hold" and here we are coming close to June 2010 and me rolling back to becoming an "On Push" RDC again. Here is how it works 12 months out from the tentative date you are supposed to transfer you can look at orders. Orders are a list of positions that need to be filled throughout the Navy. Those lists are provided to our detailers and we make contact with them and tell them what we would like. And here is where it starts getting interesting, I have been looking just for G.P. (general purpose) for a few months and there has been NOTHING to California for a BM1 (Boatswains Mate 1st Class). There are other openings for Virginia, Japan and Guam... But I really don’t want any of those. I have been in the Navy for 13 years this June and 11 of those 13 have been served on the West Coast. I also have 7 years until I am eligible to retire and 4 of those 7 are going to be at my next command a "Sea Duty Billet". Getting back on track now... Detailers have some jobs that they don’t list for the public to see, kind of for their eyes only lol. Any way knowing that little bit of info I decided to call my Detailer and just see what there was if anything. The conversation went a little like this (well the important parts anyway, all the rest we were just talking shop) ME "BMC this is BM1 Jansen I was just wondering when I could negotiate orders?" HIM "Where you trying to go Boats?" (Boats is a nickname for all Boatswains Mates)ME "I want to get back to Cali Chief" HIM "Boats that’s what everyone is trying to do, what are you looking for? I see that you have done a FFG (frigate) a LPD (amphibious dock) and a LHD (another amphib)" ME "I was either thinking of another LPD or an LSD" HIM "Id say LSD Boats, Why don’t you give me a call back in September and ill see what I can do for you" ME "September?" HIM "Yeah boats that’s your 9 month window"... Here is Part 1 of the real interesting part, if you don’t have orders by the time you hit your 6 month window the "Needs of the Navy" kick into play and they will send you where they want you to go! Ummmmmmmm how about N O... Interesting huh? Well it’s going to get better hold on. One of the good things about being attached to RTC Great Lakes as an RDC is I get choice of Coast when I transfer! But the question still remains where on the West Coast will they send me? Time for the even more interesting part, on top of all of that stress the Navy recently started downsizing and we need to complete this thing called a PTS (Perform To Serve) basically its a package about me and my Naval Career that gets reviewed by all the higher ups that do not know me from Adam besides what they read in my package. They then decide one of 2 things 1. Can I stay in the Navy? 2. If they let me stay in the Navy do they want me as a Boatswains Mate or do I have to change jobs for my last 7 years in Service? I’m sure I'm just stressing over nothing but it’s still the "What If" factor! This is all I know, I joined right after high school and have been in since. So there it is and I’m going to end this so I can get my contacts out of my eye balls! Night yall. -Justin “Blessed, indeed, is the man who hears many gentle voices call him daddy!”

Been a while.

Ok so it’s been a few weeks since my last blog! Where to begin? Starting with my promise to Ashleigh about smoking, I haven’t been able to fully keep it AGAIN but I haven’t stopped trying either! I have actually cut way back and can go a lot longer without one now. So that’s good right? I will quit smoking very soon I am determined not to fail this time. On a different note we are still going to church and I have been getting more involved with it, volunteering allot and I think I have a spot on the Security team! Yes our Church has Security. I got baptized on Tuesday and it felt great! I am not good about getting in front of peers, I am afraid I might say something stupid and get laughed at lol... But it felt good to get up in front of Ashleigh, a couple of friends and a bunch of people I didn’t know and tell it all. They had us write a Testimony on our life before Christ, what brought us to the decision to accept Christ and the changes after accepting him. So getting in front of everyone and telling them my life before was "Closed off, full of hate rage and betrayal" then telling them what brought me to accepting Christ "that I realized all I was doing was hurting the people I loved the most". I almost lost it lol started shaking and my voice started cracking lol, I had to end my speech sooner then expected. Just looking into Ashleigh's eyes when I was giving my Testimony I could almost hear her say "Thank you and I love you" so again it felt GREAT. I still slip up from time to time but if it didn’t happen I wouldn’t be human right?! We all make mistakes the important thing is to realize you messed up, learn from it and don’t do it again. Also there are times you might think you are doing something right and feel deeply that its right but other parties involved may not see it the same way. When those times come across the best thing to do is try to talk it out LIKE ADULTS. Listen to what they have to say and what their interpetation of it was without interrupting them. It might bring a new light to the subject! It’s worked for us lol that’s the only reason I'm saying it.

Backsliding and Recognition

Well here I am 2:30 in the morning; my stomach is all tore up for some reason. I’ve made 4 trips to the bathroom in the last hour, and now I have resorted to using baby wipes to help comfort the process. But that’s not why I am writing today, or is it about the “Love Dare”. This one is all about me today.


Again I have been drifting away from my Faith in the lord, before I didn’t notice until it was too late. I realized it tonight when I went to bed and told Ashleigh that I don’t realize all the time how grateful I am that the Lord has made our paths come together (in different words) and how I take her for granted, That I don’t stop and think how wonderful of a person she is. After that was said was when I started thinking I have been “Backsliding” is what Christians consider it. It’s not a total loss of faith, just a little side step. Here is the actual definition.

Backsliding- When a person who is on the path of salvation “slides back” into their sins and turns away from God.

That’s when I prayed for forgiveness from veering away from him, asking him to help me become the Man he wants me to be, then going into thanking him for all the wonderful “Crazy” but wonderful things that went on today. Then I fell asleep for a little while until I was woke up by my stomach. Before I started to pray is when I realized that I was drifting away slightly; I noticed that I haven’t been praying as much as before, getting angry over nothing, quick to snap weather it be on the kids or snap back at Ash when I think that she is being crabby toward me. Like today (well yesterday) for example, I had this feeling that there just wasn’t something right between us today. And that is all it was “a feeling”, on our way back from volunteering at our Church for kids day. Both of the kids were completely BURNT OUT, we had been up since 6:45am out the door by 7:50 and to the Church by 8:10. The kids got to just let out as much energy as they could while Ash and I worked the event, I was on Security and Ash was stationed at the Balloon Tying. We took turns swapping off with the kids until our friends Todd and Tara Fort got there with their kiddos. Grace usually goes down for a nap around 9:00am or so sometimes we can push her till 1:00pm but not today! Both of them were done for, I was upstairs making rounds and Ashleigh was downstairs in the Church. I get a phone call from her saying that Grace was having a complete and utter fit for me so that is when we said it was time to get them home. On the way home Ash wanted to stop at the NEX to take care of a couple things. I said “why don’t we swing by and get something for them to eat, stop at the NEX and you run in while we stay in the car”? I must not have said it clear enough for her it sounded right to me but I have been known to say something that makes sense to me but not to others. I got a nod from her saying “ok that works” to my understanding, but when I was getting ready to turn and go get food is when it became apparent that she didn’t understand what I had suggested which irritated me because I thought she understood my “Masterful Plan”. We got food for the kids and I headed to the Exchange and dropped Ash of at the front door (Because we woke up to 2 inches of snow in the middle of March after it was all melted) and went to go park. As soon as her door shut Grace is in the back whining “Mommy, Mommy” over and over again getting louder and louder till finally I yelled “GRACE THAT’S ENOUGH” and she stopped. Did I really need to do that now that I think about it! Did I really need to get irritated with Ash because I didn’t deliver my message to her sufficiently enough? Did I really need to let all of that get to me for the next few hours until we headed to Chucky Cheese? And the answer to all of those is NO I did not it all could have been handled much better if I would have just continued to know that our Lord and Savior is with us all the time, I could have just asked for the Patience to handle the day. I didn’t ask for the help but I still received it, after we got home the kids went down for a nap and when they woke up we all headed to Chucky Cheese for almost 3 hours, getting a grip of tokens and tons of tickets! I even scored 53,000 points on Ski Bowl!! That was a first and it was awesome to say the least, sirens going off, lights flashing I felt pretty good about my self! The Ski Bowl Champ lol I had to run and tell Ashleigh about my exciting achievement!

Getting to the end I know at the beginning I said this was just for me, I'm going to change that to partly for me and finish it with this.

        Ashleigh, I don’t know how many times I need slaps in the face to tell me that you’re not always mad at or disgusted with me. I just want you to know that too often I take you for granted and what you do for not only the kids but for me as well. You are an amazing mother and astonishing wife. Even when the crap is at its thickest you are the one that is leading me out the other side smelling like Roses. I love you baby and I am sorry for being so crappy to you the past couple of days. “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” – 1 John 4:18

I love you Ashleigh



-Justin

“Blessed, indeed, is the man who hears many gentle voices call him daddy!”

Love always protects

Well to say the least today’s Dare is going to be the hardest thing I have ever done. I will get to what it is and why in a minute, But first here is why the title of today’s is what it is.

Men- you are the head of your home. You are the one responsible before God for guarding the gate and standing your ground against anything that would threaten your wife or marriage. This is no small assignment. It requires a heart of courage and head for preemptive action. Jesus said, "if the head of the house had known at what time of the night the thief was coming, he would have been on the alert and would not have allowed his house to be broken into" (Matthew 24:43). This role is mine and seriously is how I am going to take it.

With that being said here is today’s dare,

Remove anything that is hindering your relationship, any addiction or influence that's stealing your affections and turning your heart away from your spouse.

There are a few things that I would like to cut back on or get rid of completely. The first one that I am going to hammer down on, and will be the hardest thing I have done. Is to quit smoking. Did you see that? My wonderful wife just rolled her eyes in the back of her head and let out a “yeah, you’ve said that before” sigh! LOL just kidding love, but no really she did and I am going to put all my dedication without cutting from my family into this. Here is why this is what I feel most important to get rid of, besides my health which IS important. But not as important as 3 broken promises to your beloved, Ashleigh and I have been married for a little over 4 years now, and I have made many promises to her that have been broken over our years. This one being the most damaging, we got married on December 28th 2005, conceived Chase in May 2005 so from the time I found out I was going to be a Daddy I looked at her and told her that I would quit before he was born. That day has come and gone Chase just turned 4 in February, The next time I promised to her that I would quit was February 14th 2006 Chase’s birthday, I had only been able to spend 22 hours with my son before I had to pack up and leave Ashleigh alone with our New Born Son for 6 months! I promised Ash that I would be done with smoking by the time I got back from Deployment. Yep you guessed it another empty promise to my dearest. The 3rd time was after we found out about Grace, once again I said I will quit before Grace is born! On June 18th 2008, I was and am still smoking. During our process through “The Love Dare” there was a day that we were supposed to ask each other “What 3 things cause you to be uncomfortable with me?” one of Ashleigh's for me was about smoking. Now here comes my truth, you can NOT (well at least I haven’t been able to) quit smoking when you don’t want to or just because someone else in your life wants you to. That is just the truth I apologize if that makes anyone feel irritated or disagree with me. Here comes the other part of that truth I AM READY AND WANT TO quit. It has gotten to the point that I can smell myself after I have one, my garage floor is covered in ash’s (and dog food thanks to Kadence), I have been smoking since I was 16 and I am about to turn 31 in May, so now I have a slight “smokers cough”, I catch myself lighting one in the presence of our kids and they are concentrated on what I am doing. I have to brush my teeth, chew gum, throw in a mint or something to cover the smell just to kiss my wife and that still doesn’t work 100% and she pulls away on those days. I have to wash my hands EVERY time I want to run my hands through Ashleigh’s hair. So after reading today’s dare I sighed, put my head to my chest and started praying. This is what I want to do for not only my self but for my family, and with his strength I can do this. I am setting my Date to be April 10th 2010, that is the day that I am going to put it all down and what ever I have left is going to be destroyed in front of my wife and children, all smoking paraphernalia will be tossed to the wayside. So between now and 31 days from now I am going to slow myself on smoking from 1 pack a day to half and so on. 31 days now seems too short to me after reading what I wrote lol. That is the date I set and with Christ, Family and friends with me I will get there. Wish me luck and your prayers! Thank you and have a great Wednesday.

-Justin
“Blessed, indeed, is the man who hears many gentle voices call him daddy!”

When I am weak he is strong.

I have been working on this blog from 8pm-2am yesterday and most of today. Finding text from the bible, so hold on because this one is going to jump around and be long but heartfelt.

Yesterday had some unfortunate events that let me to completing the dare without even knowing what it was. What led me to be able to accomplish the dare came at a great cost to not only myself but to Ashleigh and our children.

I lost complete control of my temper yesterday afternoon, so bad that I threw myself into hyperventilation which has NEVER happen to me. That alone scared me senseless but worse then that scaring Ash and the kids to devastation. I would never hurt Ashleigh or the Kids physically what so ever, I was raised better then that, I hurt then emotionally and the way I acted I am sure they didn’t know what would happen. I don’t even want to imagine the Ugliness, the fear they were seeing through their eyes on how their father, their teacher, mentor, someone they depend on to make them feel safe and secure just let them down just demonstrating the wrong example.

After this occurred I was leaning against the front door Ash and the kids were gone, I finally caught my breath and for the second time in my life I felt something strong in me. It wasn’t my own strength because I was at my weakest point after just realizing what damage I have done to my family (this part I didn’t put into perspective until later that night over dinner with Pastor Thomas) It was the lords strength and his words coming into my thoughts telling me to pick up the phone and call Thomas. "For when I am weak, He is strong" 2 Corinthians 12:10. So I did and Thomas asked if I could stop by the church and we could talk. When I got there one of my other good friends and mentor brought more light to me eyes and helped me figure out where this anger was starting to brew, it comes from me not letting go of my pride of always trying to satisfy my family by doing way to much not asking for help. just working myself to the point of exhaustion when all I have to do from getting to that point is push pride to the side and ask Ashleigh for assistance not just give little hints that I think she would understand.

This is the point that I am going to start jumping around; I want you to get the full understanding on how with the unfortunate events lead me to completing the dare without knowing what it was.

Sometime during the conversations with Thomas and Tony I realized that I needed a "network" a lifeline basically and that’s when I joined a Mans Study at church. This is a weekly meet for just men that will give me the kick that I need and the honest blunt truth on how I am doing and where I am messing up and guide me in the direction to fix it. The same Ashleigh gives me only different because it’s from a group of Guys that have either had or are going through the same struggle.

The Other day my dare was for me to ask the Lord to give me a sign, to show me where I have been weak or where I could have put more heart into out of the previous 18 dares. So I did exactly what the dare was I went through from day one to day 19 and then I asked the Lord to give me a sign on where I needed to work. To show me where I wasn’t giving my whole heart. Before I continue I'm going to be honest and tell you for the past week or so I haven’t been true to myself or to my faith in God and drifted off the path letting sin take over. With that being said I got exactly what I asked for a sign that slapped me right in the face, he made me realize that anger was my struggle and he said exactly that through my friend Tony.

Two things happen at that point but here is some text from the bible that will say exactly what they are.

"For everyone who asks receives" Matthew 7:8


"In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he chastens everyone he accepts as his child." Hebrews 12:5-6.

"Submit yourselves to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you." James 4:7-8

Those 2 things were 1) that I asked for a sign to show me where I was the weakest so I would be able to restrain from doing it again. I just didn’t notice until it was entirely too late. 2) Because I haven’t been as faithful or true to the Lord, as one of his sons I needed to be disciplined. He disciplined me through my family, by imagining through their eyes the rage just pouring out from someone they are supposed to look up to. Did this punishment hurt? Beyond the way any word can describe. Think of it this way for a second when your parents disciplined you when you did wrong did it hurt? Now I want you to think of the worst fear you have and amplify that by so much more. That is how much my anger scared me yesterday. And if it scared me so bad all I can do is imagine how devastated my family was, I saw a small glimpse of the fear in both Chase and Grace's eyes. I saw the image replay in my head later that night. What I saw was these 2 beautiful helpless children asking their selves who this man was, because this is not their daddy. It was hate and rage that they should have not ever witnessed neither should have Ash. I saw the disappointment in all of them telling me they were hurt that I had failed them so bad. At the time it was happening I didn’t see all of this, it was later on the drive to Wild Wings where I meet Pastor Thomas when I had realized. After telling Thomas how I was feeling and imagining how scared they could be he told me to stop beating my self up. That the Lord was speaking to me. It was because I had made the first and hardest step which was admitting my imperfections and not casting blame (which I have done in the past) on Ashleigh. I will be honest in saying she had a part in it, but it wasn’t any wrong. I made that choice on my own to not hold back the anger. Again IT WAS MY CHOICE to do that no one else can do that for me.
      The next question Thomas had I knew the answer to before he asked, and that was what is the next step? To ask forgiveness not only from Christ and Ashleigh, but more importantly the kids. You may think they are to young to understand but when you see what I had this morning in their eyes then you can tell me if they are or not. When I looked into their eyes from their level I still saw a little fear in their eyes, I didn’t blame them what so ever for having that they had every right to feel that way. Instead I continued admitting that I was wrong and not myself, that I see how much I hurt them and don’t want to do that again. After saying that and asking if they would forgive me, those very same eyes went from being filled with fear to being filled with love and support. Then Chase showed me even more with 4 gentle words that lifted me from darkness to light "I Love You Daddy" once again I had the feeling of wholeness. "Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." Hebrews 4:16

This brings me to the conclusion on how I completed yesterdays dare without knowing!

"Dare to take God at his word. Dare to trust in Jesus Christ for salvation. Dare to pray, "Lord Jesus, I'm a sinner. But you have shown you love fore me by dying to forgive my sins, and you have proven your power to save me from death by your resurrection. Lord, change my heart, and save me by your Grace."

-Justin
“Blessed, indeed, is the man who hears many gentle voices call him daddy!”

Love seeks to understand

Man it has been a minuet since I have been on here LOL. The past few Dares have been just for me is one of the reasons I haven’t blogged. I really didn’t even want to post what they were about only because they were and still are very personal "just for me". Things have been Crazy at times but a good kind of crazy! Well actually there are pros and cons to how crazy it’s been. Pros- we have been busy between birthday parties to go to, Purse parties for Ash to make some money which is always nice! Pampered Chef Parties for friends to make some money and to get some stuff for us at a discount which is also always nice! Taking Chase to school which is wonderful because if you know my son he is just like me 100 miles and hour non stop, He manifests energy out of thin air! All he has to do is look at a can of Soda and he gets a sugar high. Grace expanding her vocabulary and explorations/torments and it seems that even though her vocabulary is growing she has focused on only one word "NO"! Ohhhh it drives us CRAZY to say the least. Now for the Cons- really the major con to being so busy is how fast the time fly's, as most of you know I am a Recruit Division Commander (RDC) and I am on "Hold" right now. For those of you who don’t know an RDC is a "Drill Instructor" for the Navy and being on Hold is what we call having a break, I have graduated 5 Divisions in my first year here at RTC Great Lakes, which is normal for us to do. I went on hold last June to FQA (Fleet Quality Assurance) we do the inspections on the Recruits. Time off there is great! And that is where the Conn comes in since I have all this time off to spend with my loves; the time goes by way to fast. As of now I only have 4 months left until I go "Back on Push". The hours when that happens are going to suck again, 18-20 hours a day 7 days a week. I will go to work when the kids/Ash is still asleep to turn around and come home from work when the kids are asleep. Leaving no time for Ash and I, which after all the problems Ashleigh and I have had, along with Reading the Love Dare, I will not let happen again. You have to make time for those who matter most to you! I’m going to be completely honest with you and myself. At the end of the day yes I am still a First Class Pettyofficer in the United States Navy, but when the time comes is the Navy going to be there for me when I'm having a crappy day? Is the Navy going to be there when my wonderful wife is so sick that she can’t get off the couch to take care of herself and the kids? Is the navy going to be there when my kids go off to college or what ever they plan on doing? Most of you would say yes but I’m asking those questions on a very personal, intimate and emotional point of view. My answer is NO, at the end of the day my family are those who will give me what I need to feel whole again, they are the ones who will make me smile, they are the reason's that I strive to be the best, they are the reason's I can and will not fail. They are the motivation that I have needed to be so successful in my career. Let me rephrase that last statement! Ashleigh is the motivation that I have needed to be so successful in ALL I do. It took me so long to realize that, do I regret that it has taken me so long to realize? A little, only because if I would have noticed sooner then my Wife and I would not be as close as we are this very moment! Do I wish I could take it back? Absolutely not, this is the path that has been chosen for me through a higher power that I am not going to question as to why, only thank him that it has been an eventful one. Which brings me to the real point, today’s Dare.

"How blessed is the man who finds wisdom, and the man who gains understanding" - Proverbs 3:13

Prepare a special dinner at home, just for the two of you. The dinner can be as nice as you prefer. Focus this time on getting to know you spouse better, perhaps in areas you’ve rarely talked about. Determine to make it an enjoyable evening for you and your mate.

This one could be a little difficult only because we can’t just ship the kids off! So for today’s they will be included in dinner plans LOL. For tonight I am making Chicken tacos in the Crock Pot, Little does Ash know but I AM MAKING DINNER!! I’m not going to give away all my details on how its going to be set out but we are going to have an Adult conversation tonight, because there are things that each of us would like to know more about! You can’t know everything in 4 years stuff changes from day to day. For instance if you would have asked Ash what is my favorite Soda a few months ago, She would reply with Mountain Dew. If you ask her now Coke. And that is just a small example. I will post tomorrow on what dinner was like and the things (if not too personal) I learned more about. Or you can just wait until later tonight for Ashleigh to post her blog to see what she bragged about! Until tomorrow readers have a great day.

-Justin

“Blessed, indeed, is the man who hears many gentle voices call him daddy!”

Love is Unconditional

Once again I didn’t get the chance to blog yesterday (I was playing assassin's creed II). Yesterdays Dare was to; "Think of a specific way you'd like to greet your spouse. Do it with a smile and with enthusiasm. Then determine to change your greeting to reflect your love for them." This is a great Dare, there have been times that she or I just walk in the door and I don’t really say nor do much. When she came in the door last night I stopped playing my video game got up and gave her a big hug and kiss. After doing that she lit up and had a glow to her. Just seeing that in her made me want to do it every chance I get. Watching the past couple weeks and our marriage grow so much closer really brings me enjoyment and security. Both of which I have had in my life but not all at the same time.


Today's Dare is; "Do something out of the ordinary today for your spouse - something that proves (to you and to them) that your love is based on your choice and nothing else. Wash her car. Clean the kitchen. Buy their favorite dessert. Fold the laundry. Demonstrate love to them for the sheer joy of being their partner in marriage."

All of the things the book listed are not "out of the ordinary" for me. As Ashleigh has stated numerous times over I do all the laundry so crap cant mark that one, Wash her car ok yeah I could BUT ITS WINTER AND 8 flippin degrees outside. But this is the one I picked (without knowing it was an example) Ash cooked dinner (as is the case most days) so I cleaned up the huge mess, from her wonderful Bacon blue cheese burgers mmmmmmmm! But the one that wasn’t on the list. She had a bad start to the morning and of course as the saying goes "it only gets worse before it gets better" it did. So when I got home from my late inspection I told her when she was finished eating that she was to go upstairs with a Smirnoff lock our bedroom door and no matter what she hears "DONT COME OUT" just go tune everything out read a book or do what ever just for herself for a bit. Just to get a little breather from the day. Let me know what you all think of today’s and if I "Did well" lol.

Seeing all these ways to really please Ashleigh is helping us out allot! I can’t tell you all in enough words how great of a feeling it is. Keep reading for tomorrows dare. Have a blessed night everyone.

-Justin
“Blessed, indeed, is the man who hears many gentle voices call him daddy!”

Dare # 7

I didn’t get a chance to blog yesterday, When Ash got home from her overnight trip to WI she wasn’t feeling to great and progressively got worse throughout the day. Super dad kicked into gear and took control of every one in the house. Telling Ashleigh every time she got up to help to lay back down etc. etc. Any way Dare 7 (since I cant really say "Day" anymore because of holding off on the book for a week) is kind of just for me so I am not going to write today’s out but I will tell you what it entails.


"[Love] believes all things, hopes all things." - 1 Corinthians 13:7

For today's dare, get two sheets of paper. On the first one, spend a few minutes writing out positive things about your spouse. Then do the same with negative things on the second sheet. Place both sheets in a secret place for another day. At some point during the remainder of the day pick a positive attribute from the first list and thank your spouse for having this characteristic.

Dare 8 which is today’s 22 Feb 2010.

"Love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like a blazing fire." - Song of Solomon 8:6

Determine to become your spouse's biggest fan and to reject any thoughts of jealousy. To help you set your heart on your spouse and focus on their achievements, take yesterdays (Dare 7) list of negative attributes and discreetly burn it. Then share with your spouse how glad you are about a success he or she recently enjoyed.

The other day Ashleigh came home from the gym and after the normal "Hey Baby" she said that she has reached the first part of her goal! She was so proud that she did it and as am I. It couldn’t be expressed in any other ways (as I thought a couple of days ago) until today, When I read the Dare for today is when the thought came to me "How can I show her that I am her biggest fan and how proud of her I am? AHHHHH Facebook." That’s when I posted it without telling everyone exactly what her goal entailed this is what it said. "Is very proud of Ashleigh for reaching the first part of her goal! It took her tons of hard word but the payoff is great!" just enough for everyone to know how proud of her I am, for her to know the post was just for her, but not enough for everyone to know exactly what she had done. If you want to know ask her, if she is comfortable telling you then she will. There are MANY MANY more items on my list that I am proud/ecstatic about that she has done and continues to do, just to many to list right now! Stay tuned for tomorrows Dare and what I will do for it. Have a wonderful night followers.
 -Justin

“Blessed, indeed, is the man who hears many gentle voices call him daddy!”

And Continue!

So the time has come to an end of me "taking a break from the book" I really wasn’t taking a "brake" I was just repeating the days we had already done. Ash is a good week or so ahead of me now so I don’t know what’s coming and neither does she. Today's dare could not have come on a better day! Here is the quote and explanation for today.

"He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city."

-Proverbs 16:32

Choose today to react to tough circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation. Make a list of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule. Then list any wrong motivations that you need to release from your life.

The first part of todays is a little difficult for me, only because I don’t like being away from Ash for the night. Just because I feel I need to protect her, (and if you know her then you KNOW she can handle her own!) I have recently realized that the both of us need our "Fun" breaks every now and then, yeah I get out of the house every day but that’s not really the same. Correct me if I'm wrong please feel free! Yes it is a break from the kids being their selves but its still work. This is the reason I have been the way I have been with Ashleigh, the kids do have their days that nothing we say will stop them, and on those days I can see it on her face. So I kick her out of the house for a bit just to do something for her. Most the time she fights me on it that she doesn’t want to go, and others she can’t hit the door fast enough! Enough rambling and on to Today, Ash and a friend of hers wanted to go up North for the night to visit another one of their friends, and have a Ladies night. I have had a problem with this in the past only because of the little things that happen throughout the night that I am slowly letting go of. Such as being a slight bit controlling, I. E. having her call/text when she leaves to go out and leaves the bar or where ever she was, to asking her all the time who was going to be there and what they were going to do, or getting upset at some of the questionable pictures that come back the next day. All of which I can see in my eyes is trying to smother her which in reality is just going to cause problems. You can disagree with me all you want about that but that is the way I feel, and now that is what I am letting go of. I will slip up every now and again but that is to be expected, no one quits cold turkey on just one try. To wrap it up today I put my feelings to the back burner and put her first, by not getting an attitude that she was going but instead making the best out of it! I also am going to get time to myself and my video games! One other thing I didn’t even tell her to behave before she left LIKE I HAD ALWAYS DONE BEFOR!!!! Because I know in my heart that she will and am looking forward to her coming back to me in the morning! Now its time to make my list and give Ash the biggest surprise for when she gets back home tomorrow! Stay tuned to find out what it was and the reaction she displayed!! Have a great weekend.

-Justin
“Blessed, indeed, is the man who hears many gentle voices calling him daddy!”

Beautiful Days

I didn’t get a chance to blog yesterday so I am making up for it today.

15 Feb 2010

This morning was kind of a rough start for Ash, and it happens to the best of us. I noticed that she wasn’t having a good morning, and needed someone to make her smile. As stated before in previous blogs I am repeating day's 1-4 over and over, so I combined Two Dare's in one day and it had a wonderful effect! The 1st part was Day 2's Dare. "In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, Do at least one unexpected gesture" That alone was a two part Dare today. Part one since Ash was having a rough start and needed a little "Pick Me Up" I went upstairs to get ready for the day and thought to myself "I haven’t left her a note on the Mirror in a long time. That usually makes her feel great." So there it was I grabbed one of the kid’s bathtub crayons and left her this message on her side of the mirror. "It seems your having a rough start today, so I'm going to bring a smile to your face. I can never tell you in enough ways how grateful I am to have you, and how thankful I am for everything you do for us. I Love You Baby" Since we haven’t left each other little notes like that in a long time I felt it defiantly was much unexpected! Part 2 was all day, Ashleigh had recently become a Miche Bag representative. So she wanted to create a blog for it. Not just a standard blog either, Ashleigh is very gifted in Web design and she wanted this blog to be informational and hers. That was an all day evolution and I wanted her to do it. It made her feel good and didn’t even faze me at the slightest. There was no selfishness at all today; I didn’t even giver the slightest bit of crap for being on the computer all day. And when she tried to get off and help me with something is when I said no (on a couple occasions she slipped by me) so in smaller words Part 2 was basically giving Ash the space and the break she needed. Yet another much unexpected gesture, she hardly ever gets any time to do what she wants to do for her! With the kids running around doing their normal to me being on her case most days. The other Dare that I combined with today and will continue to combine with all the days to follow is Patience Day 1's Dare "Demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything. It's better to hold your tongue than to say something you'll regret" I only loose my patience with Ash once in a great while but when I do it’s bad. So I have been practicing on the kids. I only lost it once really bad but it was Justifiable. Chase and Grace had been playing in the living room and I happen to hear Chase telling his sister "move or I'm going to kick you in the face, MOVE MOOOOOOVE." I could see the both of them from where I was sitting in the kitchen and watching this unfold. Sure enough he lifted his leg and kicked her right in the face. So I became the RDC Daddy (Recruit Division Commander) and became stern and loud. Enough to scare everyone including Ash and the animals. Needless to say Chase was taking a nap after that one. There are a couple of great outcomes of me being able to practice Patience on the kids and they are. Chase is growing closer and closer to me every day! Because I’m not so quick to punish him and I am showing him that he truly does mean the world to me. And in return he won’t leave me alone in a good way! Telling me that he loves me and that I’m his best friend, just wanting to be next to me. Also I can see in his eyes that he wants to be just like me. One of the other positive things is that when I do get close to loosing it with Ashleigh I will be ready to calm myself and not be quick to anger or say something that I will regret later. I do have to say on another note is this book isn’t the only thing making things go the way they are, I have been getting closer and closer to our Lord, Christ by preying every day sometimes twice a day. He has been giving me the feeling that he is there and helping me down a better path. Another is dedication on both parts; Ash and I have been working real hard at what we have and what we want in our relationship. Nothing in life is free and you do get what you pay for so for those of you that are reading this and maybe the little here's and there's are hitting home, just keep pushing forward because once your at rock bottom there is only one other direction and that’s up! Have a great rest of the day. I will post later tonight about todays events!

-Justin

“Blessed, indeed, is the man who hears many gentle voices call him daddy!”

Day 7 Happy Valentines Day

Ok well its Day 7 but I am still on pause, Today is Valentines Day and Chase’s birthday! I can’t believe he is already 4! Where has the time gone? Any way I have been repeating the first 4 dares every day just shifting them around so Ash doesn’t know which one is which! The over all objective is that you don’t just do the Dare for that day and not do it all the rest of the time, you are supposed to practice everything you learn throughout the rest of your time. Which is defiantly going to be hard at times, but if it wasn’t worth it, it would be easy right?! Which brings me to this next part; I am very afraid that we both with reach a comfort level and get complacent (we have in the past) and I defiantly don’t want that to happen. I have told Ashleigh the same thing and she agrees, but I also don’t want anything to diminish. Yesterday was really hectic around here, both of us were running every which way to get ready for today. It was either I was going somewhere or Ash was. We really didn’t take time for one another, which is going to happen from time to time I know that! But since us both are freshly cut, when that happens right now it hurts a little. And when times like that happen, for myself I need to recognize what’s going on and just say “you know what? I haven’t stopped to tell you how much you mean to me today!” just little things like that. Or “hey why don’t you take a break and let me do that for a bit?” It is going to be a long journey with hiccups here and there but at the end it will all be worth it. Ashleigh mad up for it today though! Today didn’t start off as well as we had planned. I had set my alarm for 5:00am and woke up to an email on my phone at 6:37 which wouldn’t have been a problem any other day but today we had planned on going to Wild berry’s for breakfast before Church. We were going to go to Church at 9:00 so that would have worked out perfectly, up that early gives us time to get the kids up and ready and out the door to Wild Berry’s by 7:00. Nope not the case this morning, instead we were up at 6:37 and out the door by 7:00 a new Jansen Family record up kids dressed and on the road in 23 minuets. We get there and order our food; Chase wasn’t acting like his normal self. He was laying his head on the table and when his Breakfast got there (chocolate chip pancakes) he had a couple of bites and wanted to lie down in the booth. If you know my son then you know that this is not normal behavior of him! I was thinking that he might just be tired still; we did wake him up and shoved him in the car to get here. Nope that wasn’t it either; he sat back up leaned against the back of the booth for a little bit then out of no where (if you have a weak stomach stop reading now!!!!!!!) Projectile Vomit all over himself, both the kids coats, my paint leg and shoes. Poor little guy! All I could do is sit there and pat his back and watch as it continued to come out. After which he was completely fine, back to his normal persistent self. I still didn’t feel comfortable taking him to Church with the suspicion of possible doing it again so we didn’t go. We instead came home and got the kids cleaned up and washed everything that was an innocent bystander in act of war. Both Ash and I also debated on if we should cancel his birthday party, I knew how much that would destroy him and to be honest didn’t want to hear about it all day. So I said lets just keep and eye on him for a couple hours. Ash then sent out the mass wide email of what happen and if people still wanted to they could come, Just a warning at that point then. His party went off without a hitch and he was fine the whole time. He was the happiest I have seen him in a while! Which made me feel great I might add! Any way I’m getting to the part that Ash made up for yesterday. Our good friend’s Amber and Jason had their baby today! Since all of us couldn’t load up and go visit them Ashleigh went to pay our respects. Before she left I was cleaning up from the madness of Chase’s party, she stopped me dead in my tracks. Grabbed me and said “I know it has been crazy today, but I just wanted you to know how great you are” Can you say brownie points for Momma?!?!?!?!?!?! And I thought Chase being that happy made me feel great. I was like Tony the Tiger after hearing that! It just goes to show that the Lord is working with us and does know that we are going to have our busy days, and he wanted me to know that in light of everything that has happen to Ashleigh and I she is here to stay! So I’m going to end it there and head upstairs for some cuddle time with that beautiful woman of mine. Good night all and Happy Valentines Day!

-Justin


“Blessed, indeed, is the man who hears many gentle voices call him daddy!”

Day 5 "hit pause"

Ok I know what the title looks like but just let me get to that, Today is Day 5 of our 40 day Dare to each other that by the end of this the both of us will be even better then when we first fell in love! I’m not going to give you an explanation of what today’s dare is because, This morning I overheard Ash talking to someone about the book "The Love Dare" and she had mentioned that maybe we should kind of off set it or one of us take a break from going to the next days dare for like a week or so. And I got to thinking because she is right if the both of us are on the same day every day of this challenge then we really are not getting the full effect of what WE want out of it. Don’t get me wrong there has been a MAJOR change in the both of us the past 4 days, and by taking a break for a week does not by any means mean completely stop. It just means keep repeating the steps you have learned all ready! With the exception of buying her something "just to let her know I thought of her" lol I would go broke. Going back a little bit to the major changes in our home. Ash and I have done a big U-turn, I can’t speak for her but I can tell you I feel much better mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. I can look at her and see it in her eyes that when I make the small gestures or when she does the littlest thing that makes me happy. It makes her and I feel truly great in our relationship. So for the next week I am going to put the book down and continue with the first 4 days just so we both are not expecting the same thing every day, that way we will get the most out of this.

We watched the movie that "The Love Dare" is based off of called "Fireproof", the acting wasn’t the greatest but it really did hit the points that I was feeling. Which made me feel really weird at times but ultimately it was a great movie. What is real funny about the movie is it refers to the book allot, but there was no book until after the movie came out. Tons of people were wondering where they could find this book but it was no where to be found, finally 2 marriage counselors got together and wrote it and now it is the book that I have ever read! Any way back to the movie. In the movie the book was actually a hand written journal and handed down from father to son. I don’t want to ruin the rest of the movie for you so I'm going to stop there. If you are having troubles in your relationship or just want to make it that much better WE recommend getting the book and watching the movie!

Ok I told you I wasn’t going to explain day 5's dare but I will give you the quote for today.
"He who blesses his friend with a loud voice early in the morning, it will be reckoned a curse to him"- Proverbs 27:14
Without giving too much away, what it is talking about is being rude amongst other things that I will get to next week (on this topic). Well that should do it for today so without further ado we shall see each other tomorrow.

-Justin
“Blessed, indeed, is the man who hears many gentle voices call him daddy!”

Back a step to Day 3 then on to today Day 4

Like I said this morning Ash beet me to the punch on Day 3 so let’s recap.

Whatever you put your time, energy, and money into will become more important to you. It's hard to care for something you are not investing in. Along with restraining from negative comments, buy your spouse something that says, "I was thinking of you today."

Today is actually day 4 and I had to back track and do day 3 today. While Ash was getting more ink in Woodridge I took the kids and went shoppin! we just went to the NEX, looked around a bit and got her a "Navy" shirt that she had been saying for months she wanted to get "Just didn’t feel like spending so much money on it at that time" so I said the heck with it and got her one for the Gym, and another one just because. I also picked her up a little coffee cup and some chocolates. For me it’s not the money any more if I can afford it and it will bring a smile to her or our children’s face that is the best price in the world!

Day 4
11 Feb 2010
"How precious also are your thoughts to me....? How vast is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand."- Psalm 139:17-18
Today’s dare came pretty natural to me (now) but if you would have asked me to do this 7 months ago it would have been difficult for me.
Contact your spouse sometime during the business of the day. Have no agenda other than asking how he or she is doing and if there is anything you could do for them.
Like I said now this is a standard for me, I would just send her a text asking how her day is or in person asking if there is anything I can do. It makes her feel better even the smallest things and I can see that in her eyes, face and just body language, in the same breath it makes me feel good knowing that I am making her happy!



-Justin


“Blessed, indeed, is the man who hears many gentle voices calling him daddy!”

A new direction

Ok so here we go, I started a blog a while ago but just didn’t keep it up so here I am again hints the name "LetMercyComePart2" now I am going to continue this one. Here are the "Catch Me Up" reasons. 1) as I stated in my about me, I am a new found Christian; To give you a brief explanation my wife Ashleigh and I have hit our rough spots in our 4 years of Marriage. This last Saturday however I reverted back to my old ways of being spiteful and just down right mean. Now Saturday was a continuation to Friday. So 2 days of just being mean and hateful saying stuff I didn’t mean but felt at the time, something clicked inside of me and said when I was upstairs crying again realizing all the things I had said and done "you need Christ" so I text my buddy and found out where they went to church at. I told Ashleigh I would be back in time for her to still go out with a friend. And I went to Church and accepted Christ in my life. Now some of you might be thinking "Is he Crazy?!?" No I am not, I went feeling like an 18 wheeler ran me over and backed up to do it again, I left feeling like a completely different person. This is where it gets better! When I got home even though my wife was down right pissed at me she still to me looked even more beautiful then before I left (and no it wasn’t just the makeup) and our children they had this "Glow" about them that words won’t express. And from that day I started feeling better, being leaner ant to Chase who can push the right buttons at times. And by doing that I am watching him grow closer to me. So in saying all of that I LOVE the feeling inside me now every day and it just gets stronger and stronger. That is why I am now righting this Blog. On Sunday after telling Ashleigh what I had done (because it took me a little bit to get the courage to tell her with out being laughed at) she had calmed down and went to the Navy Exchange (NEX) and came home with this book... Now mind you I knew about this book from talking to one of my new found friends and Pastor, called "The Love Dare" mind you I did not even tell Ashleigh about this book yet but was planning on it when she came home. But low and behold she walked in the house and said "I got us something" and tossed a bag to me. Inside was "The Love Dare" all I could do with chin dropped is say "How did you know about this book?" "Who told you" the response I got was "No one, it just popped out at me"! Now do you see why I am becoming more and more of a believer?!?! Now that I got the "Catch me up" out there the true reason I am doing this blog is to document and later reference a "hard copy" of my day to day "Challenges". The book is based off a movie called "Fireproof" I haven’t seen the movie yet but I will tomorrow (or today since it is 0119) and it give each of us a Challenge every day. Ashleigh had already started documenting her everyday challenges so now I need to catch up! So without further ado.


Monday 8 Feb 2010

"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love."- Ephesians 4:2 NIV

Today’s Challenge is to express Patience.

This is really difficult for me, I am not Patient by any means and I have unfortunately passed that trait onto our children. But my way of not being patient is when Ashleigh is upset with me or not with me I push and push till I figure out what is wrong. But today really wasn’t about her and I, it was more about the kids. As I said earlier I have been more lenient with Chase and it is showing. He is growing closer and closer to me every day that I show him I will not be quick to anger as much. There are going to be times when enough is enough but I am now going to make those times few and far between. Grace is starting to realize that also, now she is on the kick of pushing and pushing "I need it now type of thing" so also with her I am taking a step back and breathing (gathering my mind before I continue down that short fused road). It’s hard I won’t sugar coat it for you, if you met my children on their "worst" days you would understand. Now it’s not just about the kids now that I am learning to step back a second to recoup its helping in my relationship with Ashleigh. And I will continue every day for the rest of my life. I’m not saying I'm not going to slip up every now and again, I am human after all but I am saying I will not give up.



Tuesday 9 Feb 2010

"Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you."- Ephesians 4:32

Today’s Challenge is in addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse (showing patience) Do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness.

I struggled with this one today Ashleigh had to help me out. Because for me to not do something is unexpected, but she clarified it for me that she doesn’t expect me to do the things I do around the house I just do them. So on top of showing patience again today I cleaned up around the house and vacuumed the upstairs along with some laundry. on the other hand though Ash surprised the heck out of me, she grabbed some lotion and this heat pad we have, when I told her to take off her socks and hand me the lotion so I could rub her feet (trying to get my unexpected thing out the way lol) she told me "NO, I got it so I can give you a back massage" WOW was I blown off my feet. And it felt so good! My back was all messed up from shoveling 7 inches of snow out of the drive way! Thank you baby!!



Wednesday 10 Feb 2010

"Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor."- Romans 12:10

Today’s "Dare" was about an act of kindness also, (Whatever you put your time, energy, and money into will become more important to you. It’s hard to care for something you are not investing in. Along with restraining from negative comments, buy your spouse something that says, "I was thinking of you today")

Today’s Ash beat me to the punch (only because I didn’t have a chance to get out and do it before she did lol) so I plan on doing today’s one of these days (I’m only saying it that way because I don’t want Ash to know when its coming) but today was defiantly challenging to say the least. My patience was wearing thin all day; it was just one of those days where nothing could make the kids happy. And to add to it we were watching a friends baby who was having a "don’t like Mr. Justin" day. On top of all that there is someone who will remain UN named that was pushing their limits of "Friendship/acquaintance" with Ash. Without telling people too much of what had happen, this person was sticking their nose where it didn’t belong and trying to break what Ashleigh and I have worked so hard to overcome and build up from. It took allot of self restraint not to say or do anything (and a nice little prayer prior to finding out from Ash). I’m not mad at anyone over it. Yes it shouldn’t have gone down the way it did but I know nothing would have came of it EVER. And having that faith in my family is what kept me calm about the situation.



There now I should be up to par along with Ashleigh! Stay tuned for more later on today.. Good Night/Morning all.